Thread: ¿Encontráis algún error o alguna forma de mejorar el texto?

Hola,

Tengo que hacer una redacción sobre el cambio climático y me gustaría saber si tengo algún error antes de dársela al profesor.

Gracias.

"Nowadays climate change, global warming and the greenhouse effect have come to be one of the most important issues to worry about. In fact, Al Gore’s movies and his efforts to educate the public about global warming in United States have been very successful.

Firstly, although I am not agree with the general idea that climate change is manmade, especially after seeing the movie The great global warming swindle – a documentary that shows a few scientific errors that are important in Al Gore’s films –, there are several things we can do to protect our environment, and make our lives better.

For example, we can recycle paper, paperboard and glass and plant more trees to avoid deforestation. We can also use alternative energies like wind energy and solar power so we pollute less and more important we rely less on petrol.

In conclusion, we have to be concern about our environment and the real causes that change our climate just to make our lives and the future generations better and not to rely on the energies of other countries."

"Nowadays climate change, global warming and the greenhouse effect have come to be some of the most important issues to worry about. In fact, Al Gore’s movies and his efforts to educate the public about global warming in the United States have been very successful.

Although I do not agree with the general idea that climate change is man-made, especially after seeing the movie The great global warming swindle – a documentary that shows a few scientific errors in Al Gore’s films –, there are several things we can do to protect our environment, and make our lives better.

One of the things we can do is to recycle paper, paperboard and glass; as well as to plant more trees to avoid deforestation. Additionally, we can also use alternative energy like wind energy and solar power, so that we pollute less, and more importantly, that we will rely less on petrol (oil/fuel, si es inglés americano, petrol es británico).

In conclusion, we have to be concerned about our environment and the real causes of the climate change to make our lives and the future generations better, and not to rely on the energies of other countries."

Si bien debes usar palabras como firstly, for example, etc. para dar mayor fluídez a tu escrito, en este caso no puedes poner first si no hay second, ni for example cuando no has establecido una idea secundaria que amerite un ejemplo. Lo veo un poco corto y le falta desarrollo pero no sé cuáles son las intrucciones para tu escrito.

De todas maneras, deja los marcadores (firstly, etc) si te los exigen y los van a calificar.

Agregué dos cosillas después de ver las pautas de la composición.

shows a few scientific errors in Al Gore’s films –, I think there are several things we can

We can also use alternative energy such as wind...

La composición es de 120-180 palabras y tu ya tienes 195.

Creo que está bien para loque te piden, se lee con fluídez y no veo errores estructurales (grammar, punctuation,spelling).

Déjame saber si necesitas algo más. Voy a estar por aquí



P.D.: Revisa mi participación anterior pues la edité.

Hi Christina, thanks for your comment.

To be quite honest I did not check the film title so closely as I thought he had taken it literally from his source, and I was worried about other things. However, I do use both styles for titles: all with capitals and only the first word with a capital letter. This is probably because at work I follow APA style and they do not require all words in a film title in capitals.

I also found the following on this site:
Capital Letters

In the title or name of a book, a play, a poem, a film, a magazine, a newspaper or a piece of music, a capital letter is used for the first word and for every significant word (that is, a little word like the, of, and or in is not capitalized unless it is the first word):
I was terrified by The Silence of the Lambs.
Important note: The policy just described is the one most widely used in the English-speaking world. There is, however, a second policy, preferred by many people. In this second policy, we capitalize only the first word of a title and any words which intrinsically require capitals for independent reasons. Using the second policy, my examples would look like this:
I was terrified by The silence of the lambs.
You may use whichever policy you prefer, so long as you are consistent about it. You may find, however, that your tutor or your editor insists upon one or the other. The second policy is particularly common (though not universal) in academic circles, and is usual among librarians; elsewhere, the first policy is almost always preferred.

Having said that though, I hope foros got a good mark on his composition, and it is probably better for him to follow the standard way.