Thread: Formalities

Hi, how are you?

Well, that's a difficult question. I think that these are the most complicate issues to learn in relation to a foreign language.

I'm not going to make things even more difficult (as we use "vos" in Argentina, which is like a variety of "tú": if you need some information on this topic, you may post another thread. Step by step...).

The first thing you have to bear in mind is that "usted" is more formal than "tú/vos". However, you don't always need to use the pronoun. Actually, it is more common that you omit the pronoun in these cases (I put them in brackets so that you find the examples clearer, I hope... ). But the person knows how you are treating him/her (whether formally or informally) because of the verb.

For example, if you meet someone you don't know, you could say: "¿Cómo está (usted)?" What I mean is that I would omit "usted" (or "tú/vos", as the context may require).
If you meet a friend, you may say "¿Cómo estás (tú/vos)?"

If you answer a question it is a bit easier: you follow the same pattern the other person uses:

If someone asks: "¿Cómo está?", you can answer: "Bien, ¿y usted?" (formal version).
If someone asks: "¿Cómo estás?", you can answer: "Bien, ¿y tú/vos? (informal version).

However, this is the theory...

Some time ago, old people used to demand that you treated them respectfully (this meant that you should use "usted" instead of "tú/vos". This even happened in families: you had to use "usted" to refer to your grandparents and even your parents). Some adults still stick to this old custom (in Argentina it is not widely used, though). However, there are adults who prefer the use of "tú/vos" so that they don't feel old. But I would definitely say that treating them more formally (using "usted") wouldn't mean that you are being rude.

My personal advice is: use the formal structure when you don't know someone. There's always time to be more informal. I think that being polite is a must, even when on these days, many people forget about this.

Mind you, among young people or with children, the use of the informal structure is common, so you could seem ackward when using the formal structure in these cases...

Hope you find it useful!

Originally Posted by Guadalupe

My personal advice is: use the formal structure when you don't know someone. There's always time to be more informal. I think that being polite is a must, even when on these days, many people forget about this.

Mind you, among young people or with children, the use of the informal structure is common, so you could seem ackward when using the formal structure in these cases...

Hope you find it useful!

I would go with this recommendation.I think it is a widespread and silly thing to think that people get annoyed if you address them (in Spain) formally with "Usted". If you don't' know somebody, that's what you should do.

In any case, if the person addresses you with "tú" you can answer back the same.

Among younger people (up to 30ish here in Spain) we do not use the formal version. but I find it rather annoying myself, when I see young shop attendants ask old ladies "¿qué la doy?" (topping it with bad grammar!!)

Thanks for your contributions, Vicente and Exxcéntrica!

What's the English equivalent to "¿qué la doy?"?

Originally Posted by t0qt4u

What's the English equivalent to "¿qué la doy?"?

Literally: What can I give you?

In the context: What would you like? (normallu¡y used in a market place)

The pronoun "la" is not correct here. It must be "le" for either women or men!

Originally Posted by exxcéntrica

Literally: What can I give you?

In the context: What would you like? (normallu¡y used in a market place)

The pronoun "la" is not correct here. It must be "le" for either women or men!

Great explanation, Exxcéntrica! This would be the "formal" structure: a synonym could be: "¿Qué va a llevar?" The informal equivalents would be: "¿Qué te doy?"/"¿Qué vas a llevar?"