Thread: A willing life in charge for nothing.

Hi everybody!!! I've made up an English story. I really like writing but I don't have someone to correct my stories. I'll really appreciate your help. Could you have a look at it?

Thanks!!


A willing life in charge for nothing. ( I want to say " una ansiada vida a cambio de nada)

James Spark was a business man who worked for an important enterprise in the outskirts of London. He had worked there for 10 years and since then, he had been looking forward to a better life in other places. He was paid a good salary and he was comfortable with it but he always wanted to earn more and be placed in a higher position. He wasn’t married but he had a girlfriend since he was a teenager and now, he was about thirty. They really loved each other but she would not accept the fact of being away from her family and her job. Why left everything behind when you are having a great and envy job and a woman who loved him? He even asked himself. “She is right. We don’t have the necessity of living abroad.”
Years went by and he had lost his hopes of leaving his native country. Now he had a wife and two children to bring up but he never moved out that bare idea of having a better life, more and more money; a bigger house and a new life. Nothing was ever enough for him. He was older but his thoughts were the same. He still was an ambitious and a lonely man inside.
One day James made his way back from work feeling depressed but anxious at the same time. A long tired day was ending but this time, he knew that the moment had come. He had expected it long time ago and finally, it was there. His boss had mentioned the proposal that would change his life. The document had arrived and it was waiting for him to be signed. Not only was a glowing future getting closer but also things would surely be different from that day on.
He closed the door without looking back and went up. He was so deep in his thought that he didn’t notice the children waving at him. They found out something strange, unusual in their daddy but they came up with the idea of his dad being at a bad mood.
His wife didn’t have the same feeling. She knew him better than anyone, so she was sure that it was something more than a simply bad day. She went up the stairs cautiously watching his husband getting into their room. She didn’t mean to bother him; maybe she just wanted to say a few words to calm him down. So, she went through the hall and stared besides the door half open- half closed. She doubted whether to entered or not, but it didn’t take long to make up her mind and got into it.
She found him lying in their bed, observing the ceiling.
“James, what happened?” She said in a low voice. “Is anything wrong?”
“No. It’s just happen I can’t behave as everything is fine when is not like that”
“Oh, James. Come on! You know it’s not in that way. We’re a happy family. And you know sweetie …we miss you a lot when you stay at work until late. Ask your children. They love you so much…so, please…don’t say that again. We’ve talked about this thousand of times and I’m sick of having the same kind of arguments so frequently.”
“Yes! I’m sick of this common life. I’ll start all again. And the first thing I’ll do is think about no having a wife. I hate my job, the company, my family, my life!”
“I can’t stand this any longer James. Get out of here! Leave us alone but first, would you tell me why are you behaving like that?”
“I’ve been offered the opportunity to live as I always wanted. Far away from here. But I’m about to reject the opportunity because you’ll never accept the fact of living in another country and now, I’ll regretted the rest of my life!”
“We could have agreed that dear. But now I’m afraid of you. I’m scared of your cool words. Please, go away.” But those were her last words. James grabbed her arm and pushed her violently. He had never meant to kill her but this time, luck was not at his side. He didn’t notice the window behind her. Seconds dragged slowly and speediness. Nothing could be done now, it was too late for apologises. That day he reached a new life. A harder one.

Suggested corrections are in capital letters.

Why LEAVE everything behind when you are having a great and ENVIABLE job and a woman who LOVES YOU?

but he never GAVE UP that RAW idea of having a better life

He had expected it A long time ago *OR* He had expected it LONG AGO

his dad being IN a bad mood

something more than SIMPLY A bad day

she went through the hall and stared BESIDE the door half open-half closed

She doubted whether to ENTER or not, but it didn’t take long to make up her mind and SHE WENT IN.

She found him lying ON their bed, observing the ceiling

No. It’s just THAT I can’t behave as THOUGH everything is fine when IT is not

Oh, James. Come on! You know it’s not SO

We’ve talked about this A thousand of times and I’m sick of having the same kind of argument so frequently.

I’ll start all OVER again. And the first thing I’ll do is think about NOT having a wife. I hate my job, the company, my family, my life!

why are you behaving like THIS?

and now, I’ll REGRET IT the rest of my life!

We could have agreed ABOUT that dear. But now I’m afraid of you. I’m scared of your CRUEL words. Please, go away.

Seconds dragged slowly and speediness [?]

Nothing could be done now, it was too late for APOLOGIES. That day he STARTED a new life. A TOUGHER one.

Thank you so much for the corrections!

You're welcome.